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Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Senility Tales Part Deux

The Wall

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passedaway. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying thecasket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find thatthe woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years…

…and then dies…

Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out,

"Watch that wall!"


The Bestest Husband

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a parkbench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said,

"I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to meevery morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, freshfruit and freshly ground coffee."

I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"

She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon”.

I said, " Well, why are you crying?"

She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m."

I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"

She said, "I can't remember where I live!"


The Forgotten Name

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over theyears they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately,their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week toplay cards.One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other andsaid,

"Now don't get ! mad at me....I know we've been friends for along time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought andthought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just staredand glared at her. Finally she said,

"How soon do you need to know?"