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Monday, January 4, 2010

Senility Tales Part I

The Hearing Aid

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel'sear and she said,

'"Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository inyour left ear?"

Mabel answered, "I have a suppository in my ear?"

She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing.
Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid."

The Great Lover

When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea.

No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly,

"You know very well that he died ofdiarrhea, not gonorrhea."

Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big s___ he always was."

The Late Bait

An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days but couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they foundsomething.

Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read:

"Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attachedto her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . . pleaseadvise."

The old man faxed back:

"Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap"